The Foundation of True Love
What if the key to understanding true love begins with embracing ourselves through the lens of God’s unconditional love?
To genuinely love others, we must first learn to love ourselves—just as God loves us. Throughout my 20-year practice in the mental health field, I often encounter those with a distorted view of love. While treating individuals and couples with a maladaptive ideology of love, I would hear comments like, “I love you more than I love life.” “I love you more than I love myself,” just to name a few. Hearing statements like these did not ring true to my understanding of love. Alan Cohen emphasizes the transformative power of unconditional love. He beautifully expresses, “If you knew you were fully loved, if you knew that you were whole and worthy exactly as you are just for being you, your anxiety would disappear.” This understanding is echoed in Mark 12:31 (TLB), where Jesus commands, “You must love others as much as yourself. No other commandments are greater than these.”
In an Apostolic life, the foundation of love for others begins with loving ourselves as God does—fully, unconditionally, and without reservation. When we embrace God’s love, we unlock the ability to experience and extend genuine love. Only then can we truly love others with authenticity and compassion.
Experiencing God's Love as a Model for Self-Love
To understand true love, we must first look to God’s love for us. God’s love is unwavering and rooted in grace; it sees us as worthy, valuable, and complete. We begin a journey toward authentic self-love when we view ourselves through this divine lens.
Reflecting on verses like 1 John 4:19, “We love because He first loved us,” reminds us that our capacity to love others is born from God’s love. By accepting and embracing this love, we learn that our worth is not defined by our past or achievements but by God’s unchanging grace and compassion. The Bible says in Eph 1:4 (AMP) just as [in His love] He chose us in Christ [actually selected us for Himself as His own] before the foundation of the world, so that we would be holy [that is, consecrated, set apart for Him, purpose-driven] and blameless in His sight. In love.
Building Self-Esteem Rooted in Divine Love
True self-esteem is more than confidence; it’s about aligning our belief system with God’s truths about us. Our self-esteem, or how we perceive ourselves and believe others see us, shapes how we interact with the world. It is impossible to love someone when you don’t love yourself. We build a healthy self-image rooted in divine truth by viewing ourselves as God does—precious, valuable, and worthy. We can love ourselves the way and in the image that God made and loves us.
The more we love ourselves with this perspective, the better we understand the depth and reality of God’s love. With this understanding, we can love others from a place of abundance rather than out of insecurity or need for validation. Self-love, in this context, means honoring God’s creation in us, not fostering self-centeredness.
Loving Yourself to Overcome Anxiety and Embrace Peace
Anxiety and depression often stem from feeling unworthy, insecure, or undeserving of love. However, these burdens can become lighter when we align our self-worth with God’s perception of us. Anxiety can be described as worrying about the future and depression as dwelling in the past—both of which diminish when we embrace the present reality of God’s love.
Knowing we are loved just as we are empowers us to release these burdens, making our hearts secure. A secure heart is free from anxiety and regrets and can rest in peace, knowing it is valued and cherished by God.
Loving Others Authentically by First Loving Yourself
By loving ourselves as God loves us, we can extend true love to others. The love we then offer is not conditional, nor do our insecurities drive it. Instead, it is a love that mirrors God’s: patient, kind, and selfless. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes love in this way, and when we love ourselves with patience, kindness, and forgiveness, we become equipped to extend this same grace to those around us.
Self-love rooted in God's love also fosters healthy relationships. We approach others without the expectation that they will complete us or heal our insecurities. We love freely and fully, just as God loves us, allowing others to experience the fullness of authentic love.
Practical Pathways to Embracing Self-Love
Self-love is a journey that begins with aligning our beliefs with God’s divine love. Here are some practical ways to grow in this area:
Reflect on God’s Word Daily: Scriptures like Romans 8:38-39 remind us that nothing can separate us from God’s love. Meditate on verses that affirm your worth in God’s eyes, allowing these truths to shape your self-view.
Pray for a Heart that Mirrors God’s Love: Ask God to help you see yourself as He does. Prayer opens our hearts to the Holy Spirit’s guidance, helping us replace self-doubt with divine assurance.
Cultivate Self-Compassion: Remember that God’s love includes forgiveness. Just as God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves for past mistakes, allowing His grace to heal and guide us.
Practice Gratitude for Your Unique Qualities. As Psalm 139:14 states, Embrace that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Celebrate the unique ways God created you, affirming your worth as His beloved child.
Loving Yourself as God Loves You Is the Key to Loving Others
The journey to truly loving others begins with learning to love ourselves as God loves us—entirely, freely, and with unmerited grace. Remember that our faith calls us to a love that reflects God’s heart, starting with ourselves. The order of God’s design is that He would be first, then He created man, the individual, and saw the need for a companion, so He made a woman. Finally, he told them to be fruitful and to multiply. The order for God’s design is first to love Him, then us, and finally everyone else.
When we align our self-worth with God’s love, we unlock the ability to give and receive love in its truest form, cultivating relationships rooted in mutual respect, kindness, and genuine care.
Choosing to love yourself as God loves you isn’t just an act of self-care; it’s a spiritual commitment that aligns you with God’s commandment to love fully. In this self-love, we discover the power to fulfill the call to “love others as much as yourself,” bringing the reality of true love into every part of our lives.
Dr. C. Carl Wilson, DBH, LPCC, Editor-in-Chief
